Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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