My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he was CRYING into my vagina
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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