my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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