I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
