is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
