I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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