Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
