I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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