You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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