Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
