I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
