So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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