Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
