She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
