I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
