I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
