Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
