I can tuck mytits in my pants
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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