dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
