Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
