So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We smell like vodka and hangover
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