i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
