It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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