Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you made out with another girl for some wings
not ubering you a puppy
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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