Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
