the condom got lost in my hair
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
