Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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