I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
