the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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