it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
