you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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