I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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