Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
