i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
