I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
