Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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