If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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