Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
