But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
