I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
