So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So vagazzling was a success
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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