I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
