I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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