My nipple is on Facebook.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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