your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
