The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Pooping to opera.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
