I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
