i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
