This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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