There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
