I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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