I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
