and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
