woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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