ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
