its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
